Sub-Sister: Adventures in Substitute Teaching

Kinder Confusion

I don't know about any other subs out there, but I sometimes fill in as as an office worker... or phone and question anwerer, if you will (Not to belittle any office worker, but as a sub, that's all you do for the entire day). The questions tend come from the students so they are always far more interesting than any ol' phone calls. Also, the nurse's office is near where I'm posted, so I get my fair share of Boo-boo Routing. Here are the highlights: Most of the "sick" kids come through with a need for a band-aid or chapstick or what have you (man those kiddies go through some chapstick! Yo, Stop Licking Your Lips!!). Nothing too major. But then this little green child comes in. Green, I tell you.

"Honey, are you sick?" (You see, as a Southerner, I get to call people Honey, Baby, and Darlin' without irony)
Nods.
"Are you going to throw up?"
Nods.
"Do you want a trash can while you wait for the nurse?"
Shakes head no.
"Hmmm. Wrong answer. Let me rephrase. Here's your trash can to throw up in while you wait for the nurse."
Green child throws up in offered trash can.
"Thank you."

Then there was Miss Chatty. She comes in while the nurse is out for a minute (What is it with these kids? It's like they can sense the second the poor nurse steps out, and pick that moment to start bleeding), and sits in her room to wait. Two seconds later:

"Don't my parents know you?"
"What? Who are your parents?"
"Bob and Sue. You know them."
"I don't think I do. Why don't you go back to wait for the nurse?"
"Ok."

Thirty seconds later:

"What about Steve and Carol? You've gotta know them."
"No, baby, I don't."
"But they knoooow you!"
"Go sit down."
"Ok."

One minute later:

"I know..."
"Look! It's Nurse Lewis!"

While Miss Chatty was distracted, I ran away doing my best arms-akimbo-Jack-Sparrow-running impersonation.



But the best one, was a poor kindergartener who could barely see over the counter. She comes in, wafting cuteness, and tells me that she doesn't know what bus she's supposed to be riding.

"What bus do you usually ride?"
"The one that takes me home. But I have a note to go to Grandma's today."
"Honey, this says you need to ride the green bus."

See, the itty-bitties can't remember bus numbers, so each bus has a color assigned to it. They're all the regular yellow buses in all actuality, but there are colored cards taped on the doors so the kids can tell them apart. So there are: black, red, green, pink, cerulean, and blackwatch plaid buses. This is why I totally understood the kinder's confusion as she looked at me like I'd lost my mind and wailed:

"BUT THEY'RE ALL YELLOW!!"

posted by Magpie Chick at 7:27 PM