The Bestest Kid In the World!
Now I don't know about the rest of you subs out there, but I read all the stuff that kids turn in to their teacher. This is how I keep myself occupied, and also how I get to know the kids a little better. I used to feel guilty about this, like I was invading the kids' privacy or something, but I soon got over that. In fact, now not only do I read the students' work, I read whatever strikes my fancy in the room, and I go through the teacher's desk. Real Teachers Be Warned... because I'm fairly certain that all other subs do this.
Anyway, I was subbing for a middle school computer class where the students had to design and print a flyer that listed why they were The World's Best Kid. Now, ignoring the fact that not a single one of these kids knew to put the apostrophe in "World's", I was pretty impressed. Most of these people think pretty highly of themselves. There was alot of:
Smart Attractive/Pretty Popular Athletic Cool/AwesomeThen there were the amusing:
I'm weird I rarely get in trouble I have long hair (LOL)
But my favorite flyer was from a kid who apparently knew her shortcomings. She wrote, and I quote:
I hardly ever lie unless I'm in big trouble and my parents ask me why I did something and then I can stretch the truth a little. And that's why I'm The World's Greatest Kid!
Short 'n' Sweet
On a bus, I hear my name called repeatedly. Sometimes it's important information like, "Bobby threw up!" or "My nose is bleeding." But more often than not, it's important only to the child: "Look at this bug I found it's green and blue and green and it bit me so I threw it on the ground and then I saw this cool rock but the bug crawled up on it and I like it again and I named him Paul!" Anyway, the point is, that I've developed the ability to drown out all the useless chatter and only really "hear" stuff said in truly urgent tones.
Which is why I heard this the other day:
"Red light, Miss Bus Driver!"
So I stop (which I was going to do anyway, really, but anyone would perk up at a 5-year-old screeching about stop lights in their ear). And look in the rearview mirror to see my usual view of a kindergartener:
Then the child says, "Very good, Miss Bus Driver!"
Heh. Praise is always welcome :)
Sexy Beast
I have a confession. See, most of the time my brain doesn't work quickly enough. Usually, I'm thinking of a clever comeback or witty rejoinder about 30 seconds after the moment has passed. But then there are times that the ol' brain works at full speed, and those smart-alecky comments just race to the tip of my tongue. Those are inevitably the times that I
don't need to say anything. Oh, the irony. You want an example? Why, I just happen to have one on hand right here!
Recently, I took a group on a field trip out of state (we're near the state border, so that's not as big a deal as it sounds). On the way, we had to go through a toll. Now, school buses get to go through those puppies for free as long as they're transporting students. No problem.
But on the way back home, the second time through the toll that day, I got asked the stupidest question ever. By the way, they had closed the wide load lane so I had to maneuver the Beast through the regular itty-bitty lane which is like threading a needle with yarn, but that's a whole other story. Anyway, this was one of those times that my brain actually worked.
After I squeezed (that sounds wrong... squoze?) the bus through the lane up to the toll booth, the toll-worker-lady looks up at me, squints at the tinted windows down the side of the bus, and asks, "Are there students on the bus?"
Think about that for a sec. I'm in a vehicle that guzzles gas like it's free, and handles like a drunken elephant. I'm not only across county lines, but in an entirely different state than the one emblazoned on the side of the vehicle. And she wanted to know if there were students on the bus.
My immediate urge was to say, "Students? On
this thing?! Why? Nah, I'm just cruisin' the strip for some men, 'cause this Beast is so SEXY!"
But what I actually did was smile and say, "Yes."
I'm actually right proud of myself. I proved that my brain can work quickly if it wants, that I can control my tongue if I want, and that working with children hasn't smothered all my lovely sarcasm. Wonderful.
