Heartfelt Plea to "Real" Teachers- #2
Please, please, please. Please keep in mind the length of your classes when you make your sub-plans. For example, I recently had a day where the plans looked something like this:
1st block: Take spelling test.
2nd block: Have students type up their resumés.
3rd block: Spelling test.
4th block: Read Lincoln's speech in Literature book.
Now, just for clarification, each class is and hour and a half long. Got me? AN HOUR AND A HALF to take a 20 word spelling test. And to make life even funner, that last block assignment didn't come with a page number... or a book. When I managed to find a student who actually had their book on them (although why a 9th grade ESL student had a 12th grade Honors book on him I'll never know) I discovered that the speech took up half a page.
So please remember that I can only take so much conversation about how cute the Varsity Basketball center is, how "emo" the new kid is, how awesome the new Wii is, and give me enough material to fill the whole class period.
Besides, teenage boys tend to start practicing their wrestling moves on each other when they're bored and I'm running out of explanations as to why another three desks were destroyed, why Bobby has a bloody nose, and why Kevin has two fingers and a toe that are turning a lovely shade of plum. Although I must say that I have perfected my Michael Buffer impersonation.
"Lllet's Get Rready To Rruumbllllle!!"
The Best Day Ever
You know what I love about subbing in High School? I'd like to say that it's seeing the teenagers' faces light up with understanding after a particularly brilliant explanation, or their joyful expressions when they see that they have
me as a sub, or even when they manage to remember that my name isn't actually "Miss Substitute Teacher-Lady" or "Hey, Don't You Drive The Basketball Team Bus?"It would be closer to the truth to say that what I like best about High School subbing is seeing the teenagers' faces go blank when they realize that I actually
am smarter than they are, or their first bumbling attempts at having a conversation without using "Duh", ""Whatever", or any number of profanities. But that wouldn't be the truth. The truth is even shallower.
I love subbing in High School because most of the teachers have planning periods, or as I like to call them, Nap Times. I understand that this is a necessary time for Real Teachers to organize their stuff, grade papers, go to the restroom, or have a nice little cry, but since I don't have planning to do (the pottying and crying are another matter), I get to have some free time.
Last week I had the best time ever. This particular teacher had a planning period, lunch, and a Journalism class that as far as I could tell involved letting 10 students wander off to do their own thing. So I had roughly three and a half hours to myself. THREE AND A HALF HOURS, people! I ate my lunch, I read my book, I wandered the halls trying to look nonchalant as I went in search of a particularly handsome single male teacher (Stalker? Me? What?!?), and I surfed the internet. Yep. All in all, a very productive day.
I even found that with a little creative rationalization, I could give myself an imaginary payraise:
8 Hrs
-3.5 Hrs
---------
4.5 Hrs Actual Time Worked
Crappy Daily Pay / Actual Time Worked = Not So Crappy Hourly Rate
Sweet.
Sub On Wheels
Ok, I've been feeling a little guilty because I've writing so much about bus driving lately. But then I think, "Hey, I'm still a sub! I still fill in when I'm needed. I still spend the time trying to keep kids from bleeding, throwing up, or killing each other. I just do it at 45 mph."
In case you've been wondering what it might be like to be a substitute bus driver, and I know you have, then just do this: Stand facing a whiteboard (although a blackboard would add an authentic irritating noise), pretend that you have to really concentrate on copying down a complex mathematical equation for the lesson, and
then try control the crowd of ruffians behind you. Don't turn around! And that nifty li'l mirror above your head don't show you
nothin' useful.
Yep. Definitely still a sub. Also, I do attempt to teach them something. Hey, wait for the crowd to all stand up on the bus yet again, stop suddenly (Beast can stop on a dime, people!), wait for the children to finish rolling down the aisle, yell, "See why you're supposed to
sit down?!?", and see if they don't learn reeeeealllll quick-like :)
